


rewrite the stars

by pollutedrain



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (kind of), Aerial Dancer!Doyoung, Alternate Universe - Circus, Circus, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Angst, Pining, Slow Burn, Trainee Ringmaster!Johnny, Trust Issues, Vaguely Historical, sad pasts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29240919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pollutedrain/pseuds/pollutedrain
Summary: It was no wonder that Doyoung seemed so cold and unapproachable - hell, Johnny rather thought that anyone would be if they'd lived the life that the younger man had.Doyoung had been left with little choice but to build his guard up, effectively closing his emotions off from everyone around him to protect himself from being hurt again. Johnny ached for a chance to ease some of that pain, take away even just the slightest bit of the dancer's suffering so he wouldn't be so bitter towards himself.(Alternatively: A story in which Johnny joins the circus, and finds love in the most unexpected of places.)
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 5
Kudos: 84
Collections: johndofest - round one





	rewrite the stars

**Author's Note:**

> written for johndofest, prompt #07:  
> Johnny is the new protege for a circus and falls in love with the cold hearted aerial dancer who looks like an angel when performing.
> 
> thank you dear prompter for such a wonderful prompt, i hope this attempted to do it justice! (my only regret is the entire lack of circus-related events in and of itself). and, as always, thank you to my friends who kept me sane the entire time i was struggling through this, you know who you are ☆

The cheer of the crowd is almost deafening, even from Johnny's position backstage.

Still, he's thankful for the noise. 

He'd been dawdling in one of the back rooms, too focused on his task of organising old paperwork when he'd realised he'd already missed the first half of the show. Not that that particularly bothered him - he'd seen enough rehearsals at this point to know the entire multiple-hours long script by heart. Could recite Taeil's commentaries from memory, recall each and every trick that Yukhei and Mark would bid their troupe of dogs to do.

But, even so, Johnny abandons his task, rushing through the winding hallways of the circus building. For there was one act that he would always drop everything to watch.

He makes it just in time for the music that had become oh-so familiar to him to start up, the serene melody replacing the much more rolicking sound used to herald in the other circus acts. Johnny is careful to keep out of sight as he comes to stand behind the curtain that separates his hiding spot from the main space of the venue. 

Two long strips of fabric hang from the ceiling high above, the ends just barely brushing against the floor of the ring. A lone figure dressed in silver and blue approaches them, movements delicate and graceful as he reaches out to clutch at the silks, easily climbing until he hangs at least twenty feet in the air.

Johnny holds his breath (as he's sure the captivated audience does too), watching in awe as Doyoung maneuvers himself effortlessly, twisting the fabric round and round his body until he's able to suspend himself from it, supported by only a single ankle.

It's beautiful, spellbinding, all sorts of wonderful words Johnny can’t quite call to mind right now. But, of course it is. 

It's Doyoung, after all.

Somewhere behind Johnny, there’s the soft rustling of fabric. He instinctively moves aside to make room for Mark so his friend can press in close to his side, already dressed in the costume he’ll need for the second act.

“Don’t you ever get tired of watching him?” The younger man asks after a beat of silence, both of watching Doyoung working through his routine with rapt attention. 

“How could I?” Johnny whispers in return. “It always feels like I’m seeing it for the first time all over again.”

He doesn’t have to look at his friend to know that he’s on the receiving end of a pitying look.

“Dude,” Mark mumbles. “You’re something else.”

And doesn’t Johnny just know that. 

Doyoung is all grace even as he leaves the ring, ducking behind the curtain to join them with a tired sigh of relief that Johnny knows all too well. Mark lets out a low whistle.

“That was amazing, Doyoung,” The younger man whispers in excitement. “You always look so cool.”

The dancer smiles politely, the dim glow of the backstage lights glinting off of the jewels meticulously placed under his left eye. He looks like something out of a fairytale, a fae or spirit hellbent on stealing the very breath from Johnny’s lungs. 

"Thank you, Mark.” Doyoung preens. “You're too kind." 

However, Doyoung's smile quickly dies when his eyes flicker to take note of Johnny's presence. The older man watches as the dancer's expression hardens, a look of indifference settling into his eyes.

"Good show." Johnny mumbles anyway, cringing internally at the awkward silence that takes hold of their group.

"Thank you." Doyoung replies stiffly, pushing back him to disappear further backstage.

Johnny sighs, leaning into the hand that Mark rests on his arm, squeezing his bicep softly.

"It's okay," His friend murmurs. "He'll warm up to you one day, I'm sure of it."

Johnny smiles sadly at the younger man, nudging him with his elbow.

"I admire your optimism," He replies. "I think hell will freeze over before Doyoung treats me with anything but animosity."

"You never know," Mark shrugs. "Maybe he'll surprise you. He’s like that, sometimes."

Johnny shakes his head. He won't hold his breath.

☆

Johnny could never be sure exactly what it was that he'd done to offend the other man, but it was clear from Doyoung's disdain for him that he wanted as little to do with him as humanly possible. And hadn't that just been the case, pretty much from the first second they'd met.

"Taeil, Taeyong, Yukhei, Mark, and you two," Johnny had counted off on his fingers, trying to recall the names of everyone else who lived in his new home. "Is that everyone?"

Renjun, the youngest of the circus acrobats, shook his head.

"You missed out Doyoung," He'd replied. "Have you not managed to meet him yet? I thought you'd been here a couple of days?"

"I've been going over a lot of paperwork with Taeil," The older man had sheepishly replied. "This is the longest I've been outside of his office."

Turns out that becoming a trainee ringmaster required much more of a paper trail than Johnny had originally thought. He’d assumed he’d leave that all behind when he left the bureaucratic world that stemmed from being the only son of a well-known local politician, but it seemed that paperwork would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

"You're not missing much, anyway," Donghyuck had whispered, pressed in close to Johnny's side until the fluff of his curls had brushed against his cheek. "Doyoung is the kind of person you can't make any sudden moves around, I'm convinced he can smell fear."

A snort from Johnny's other side - Renjun fixing Donghyuck with an unamused look.

"He's not _that_ bad."

Johnny had bit back the urge to laugh at the look on his new roommate's face, Donghyuck rounding on the young acrobat before any of them could even blink.

"You're biased since you two are practically glued to each other's sides, you don't get a say here."

" _No, you're_ biased," Renjun had retorted, turning to Johnny. "He likes to antagonise Doyoung, but doesn't like it when he retaliates."

“I don’t _antagonise_ him!” Donghyuck snapped in return. “It’s not my fault that he’s got a stick up his-”

“Doyoung’s never like that with me,” Renjun cut him off immediately. “It’s your own fault for being annoying.”

“ _He’s not like that with you because you’re his favourite_!”

(It came as no surprise to Johnny when he later learnt from Mark that Renjun and Donghyuck had been dancing around each other for nearly a year at this point, much to the amusement of everyone else. Johnny had also been quick to join the betting pool on when the pair would actually end up together.

"They're both too stubborn to admit anything," Mark had told Johnny while they'd played with the circus’ troupe of dogs. "The rest of us just sit back and watch them bicker and wait for them to figure it out, it's fun.")

Meanwhile, Johnny had let the noise of their bickering fade into the background, too busy transfixed by the figure of another man who had belatedly ducked into the dining room.

Said man was - there was no other word for it, _beautiful_.

Heartbreakingly so, and Johnny had a feeling he wasn't the first mere mortal to fall victim to this stranger. He was tall, broad shoulders at odds with the fragile delicacy of his narrow waist, only further emphasised by the silk of his belt. His hair was an inky black, darker than night, his eyes a shade of brown that reminded Johnny of the topazes set into a ring he kept tucked away in his jewellery box.

He was elegance and grace all wrapped into one, and Johnny felt he would die if he managed to tear his eyes away from him.

“He’s beautiful.” He'd breathed.

He'd been unaware that he’d voiced the thought out-loud until he realised the pair sitting next to him had both fallen silent, bickering forgotten. Johnny turned to look back at them, finding Renjun watching him with a curiously blank face, while Donghyuck wore an expression of pure horror.

"What?"

"That's Doyoung." Renjun replied simply, head tilted like he was trying to analyse something hidden in Johnny's expression.

"Oh."

"Not _oh_ ," Donghyuck hissed. "You just called him beautiful - don't fall under his spell, I won't let you. He’ll eat you alive.”

As if able to feel them staring, Doyoung had looked up from where he'd been hovering by the dinner table.

True to Donghyuck’s insistence that Renjun was Doyoung’s favourite, Johnny watched as the dark haired man’s eyes flickered to the young acrobat sitting beside him. Warmth bled into his expression, the hard line of his mouth melting into a smile that held what was obviously pure affection.

_He gets more gorgeous by the second_ , Johnny thought to himself, belatedly realising with a start that Doyoung’s gaze had flickered to rest on his own face.

Johnny’s lips had parted in a soft exhale. Cliche though it sounds, he felt as though everything had melted away around them, the room and all his new friends disappearing to leave just him and Doyoung locked in each other’s gaze. It was something Johnny couldn’t quite comprehend, then _or_ now, a terrible level of intimacy he’d never experienced before. 

He just knew that it was something he wanted to explore deep, to familiarise himself with until he understood it completely.

But then, oh but then: Doyoung’s eyes had hardened once again. Johnny had watched as the other man’s lips had curled up in a sneer, visceral disdain spelt out across every inch of his expression as he’d turned to quickly leave the room once more.

Silence had descended over the table, both of Johnny’s companions looking at him in unease. 

"Was it something I said?" Johnny joked, though his heart had lurched in his chest. 

What could he have done to afford such a reaction? He’d literally just been sitting still at the dinner table, hardly anything offensive. 

"That's strange," Renjun frowned. "He's not normally like that."

Even Donghyuck looked a little thrown off, eyes flickering between Johnny and the door that Doyoung had disappeared through.

"Maybe he's just having a bad day." The younger man had reasoned. "I'm sure he'll be back to his usual self tomorrow, you can introduce yourself then."

☆

But Doyoung was not fine with him tomorrow, nor was he the day after that. In fact, the dancer seemed to have taken an immediate dislike to Johnny, for reasons that were unfathomable to both him and everyone else that made up the circus crew. 

Sure, Doyoung was polite whenever they _did_ have to speak to one another, only ever strictly about business. But, it was painfully apparent that he did so in a way that ensured he could escape the conversation as soon as possible. 

Johnny was baffled, to say the least. And, if he were being totally honest, a little wounded. He liked to believe that he was the type of person whom everyone could get along with: to be confronted with the idea that that might not be true was a little jarring. 

“Doyoung can be… a little slow to warm up to strangers,” Taeyong sighs, having caught Johnny silently moping. “Try not to take it personally, is all I can advise.”

Which was easy for Taeyong to say - everyone clearly loved him, including Doyoung. In fact, the dancer seemed to have a quiet sort of affection for every other member of the crew, even down to Donghyuck, who appeared to make it his life mission to annoy the other man at every given opportunity. 

It was just Johnny he treated like a bad omen.

The older man sighs, watching from across the room as Doyoung pulls Mark into a warm hug, burying his face into the younger man’s shoulder. 

_Try not to take it personally_ , Taeyong’s words echo through his head as he watches the dancer do everything to avoid looking over at him. 

Doyoung seemed insistent on leaving him no other choice but to.

☆

“I need your help.”

At the sound of Donghyuck’s voice, Johnny looks up from where he sits cross-legged on the floor, organising the crew’s prop collection as Taeyong had requested of him. His roommate stands above him, shuffling his feet awkwardly against the ground as he waits for Johnny to answer. 

Johnny smiles at him.

“Sure, what’s wrong?”

Donghyuck bites his lip, worrying at the skin between his teeth for a brief moment before he replies. 

“I went to the bakery.” 

“Oh?” Johnny doesn’t know exactly what that has to do with his friend’s request, but he entertains him. “Did you have fun?”

“We-”

“We did!” Mark cuts in suddenly, ducking into the room with a grin. 

Johnny finds a paper bag thrust into his face, and when he takes it and tears it open, he’s left holding a large iced bun. 

“That’s for you,” Mark clarifies. “I thought you’d like to try one.”

“Thanks Mark,” He smiles at the younger man, already tearing the bun into portions to share out between the three of them. “That’s really sweet of you.”

Mark beams back at him as he takes the third that Johnny holds out for him, the sunniness of his expression at odds with the sour look Donghyuck wears on his own face.

“No-one invited _you_ ,” The youngest grumbles at the animal trainer. “This is between me and Johnny only.”

Johnny sighs. 

In the time that had passed since he’d first joined the circus crew, he’d learnt that Donghyuck tended to show his affection for others by pretending he couldn’t stand the sight of them. Mark was perhaps his number one victim, though the animal trainer seemed to take it all in his stride. 

Before he has a chance to cut in and reassure Mark that he’s very much welcome here, the younger man turns away with a roll of his eyes. 

“I’ll go then. Come play cards with me and Yukhei later, Johnny? Maybe once _someone_ is in bed.” He disappears back out the door, after easily returning the rude gesture Donghyuck sends his way. 

Donghyuck glares at the door as it swings shut, a rustling noise coming from the curl of his fingers. Johnny sighs, the sound fond as he pats the spot next to him. 

“Come on, tell me what’s wrong.” He soothes, as the younger man joins him on the ground. 

Donghyuck remains silent for a few moments, choosing to busy himself with the task of tucking himself as close into Johnny’s side as possible, head lolling on the older man’s shoulder. Johnny welcomes him, ruffling the younger man’s already wild hair. 

“This is Renjun’s favourite.” Donghyuck eventually says, holding up another paper bag for clarification. “I bought it at the bakery.”

“That’s nice of you,” Johnny comments, tone purposefully light. “Are you going to give it to him?”

Donghyuck nods, his mouth twisting into a frown.

“I want to. But…”

“But?”

The younger man lets out a whine in response, tipping his head back so the sound resonates throughout the room.

“I’m _scared_ ,” He near wails. “What if he makes fun of me? What if _Doyoung_ is there and _he_ makes fun of me? He’s mean like that.”

Johnny fights back the urge to laugh at his friend’s dramatics.

“Renjun is your friend, Hyuck, I doubt he’d make fun of you for doing something nice for him,” He soothes, nudging the younger man with his elbow. “I bet he’ll be happy.”

“Okay, then what about-”

“Doyoung, yes I know.” Johnny pauses, pressing his lips together as he thinks.

It’s late morning, a time he knows by now that Doyoung likes to reserve for him and Renjun to practice one on one, a couple of hours set aside specifically for him to mentor the younger acrobat. He doubts that the aerial dancer would appreciate Donghyuck interrupting their training session just to speak to Renjun.

But as Donghyuck waits for him to reply, an almost pleading look to his expression, he can’t help but think Doyoung will just have to put up with a brief visit. 

“How about I come with you?” He offers. “It should be less daunting that way, and Doyoung will at least direct his fury at me and not you.”

Donghyuck’s face practically lights up, sadness dissolving to be replaced with pure excitement. 

“Really? You’d do that?”

“Only for you,” Johnny smiles at him. “But you need to help me tidy up enough to meet Taeyong’s standards.”

“Oh, I can do _that_ ,” Donghyuck answers, immediately jumping up to begin throwing props haphazardly into the boxes they’d been sitting amongst. “Taeyong won’t even care, tell him I’m involved and he’ll accept anything, he loves me like that.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Johnny replies wearily, trying to maintain some form of order as a feather boa goes sailing over his head. 

☆

Donghyuck leads him further into the building, towards a wing Taeil had only just grazed over during Johnny’s ‘official’ tour of the place.

“You probably won’t come back here much,” The older man had told him. “Doyoung is quite protective of his space - I don’t think he likes even me coming to check on him.”

Now, Johnny can’t help but ever-so-slightly regret agreeing to follow Donghyuck here. 

Doyoung already isn’t his biggest fan, and he can’t imagine that the dancer will appreciate him barging into what appears to be his sacred space like this. But the way his friend seems to almost vibrate as he clutches tightly at Johnny’s arm, steering him down the hall, does do wonders to convince him that he’d done the right thing. 

“Shh,” The younger man warns him as they stop outside a closed door that’s vaguely familiar. “If Doyoung spots us before we even get in there, there was no point in coming at all.”

“Of course.” Johnny nods solemnly. 

They wouldn’t want that, after all.

He can sense that he's not the only hesitant one out of the pair of them. Despite his earlier bravado, Donghyuck takes a few moments to presumably brace himself, hand shaking as he reaches out to tentatively push the door open.

They're instantly greeted by the steady thumping noise Johnny recognises as belonging to the sandbags the acrobats always use as counterweights while they practice. Even with them, he could never quite comprehend how they'd climb so high without fear: Johnny himself wasn’t all that afraid of heights, but it still made him feel a little woozy to think about it.

It’s Doyoung in the air, he realises, watching with his usual awe as the dancer wraps the long fabric around his ankles, easily slipping into the splits like it were the most natural thing in the world. Johnny’s own legs ached with the sight of it. 

Renjun, on the other hand, makes his way over to them from where he’d been sitting on the floor, clearly having spotted them before they’d taken notice of his presence.

"Is something the matter?" He tilts his head, a mischievous glint in his eye as he notes how Donghyuck tries to shy away behind Johnny. “You guys don’t usually come this far back here.”

Johnny smiles at Renjun, resting his hands on his roommate’s shoulders to hold him firmly in place.

"Go on," He urges his friend. "Tell him why we're here."

"I-I brought you this." Donghyuck eventually stammers out, cheeks ablaze as he holds out the paper bag for Renjun to take.

The acrobat does so, letting out a quiet noise of delight when he finds a pastry inside.

"My favourite!" He squints at the younger man. "How did you know? Have you been spying on me?"

Donghyuck, predictably, is quick to flare up.

"You _told_ me about it!"

"Awh," Renjun smiles. "You do actually listen to me."

He turns to Doyoung who, Johnny realises belatedly, had come to stand a few feet away from them. The dancer's eyes are cold as he regards the older man, lips curling downward in a blatant grimace. Johnny braces himself in advance.

Renjun ignores the obvious storm brewing inside of his mentor.

"Is it okay if I take a break to go eat with Donghyuck, Doyoung?" The acrobat asks, already switching out his soft practice shoes for his usual pair of boots. “He brought me a present and I don’t want it to go stale.”

Donghyuck turns to look at Johnny in bewilderment, clearly not having anticipated things going _this_ well. The older man gives him an encouraging thumbs up in return, unable to resist returning his friend’s infectious grin.

“I suppose,” Doyoung sighs, crossing his arms. “Be back in an hour, no later.”

“Of course.” 

Renjun must be able to pick up that the older man’s temper is about to boil over, as he’s quick to grab hold of Donghyuck’s hand and tug him back towards the doorway behind them. The last Johnny hears before the door slams shut is a hilarious squawk from his friend, and he mentally makes a note to interrogate him about how things went later on.

That is, if he survives being alone with Doyoung, who looks like he would be only too happy to string Johnny up by the neck using his aerial silks.

“Cute, aren’t they?” Johnny tries for humour, laughing awkwardly. “Young love, and all that.”

Doyoung’s eyes narrow. 

"I don't appreciate you hijacking our practice time."

_Of course_.

"Oh, come on," Johnny rolls his eyes, irritation quickly souring his mood. "You know those two are mad for each other, Renjun skipping one hour of practice time is hardly going to do him any harm."

“That’s not your call to make,” The dancer retorts. “Donghyuck could have easily come to find him later this evening, you just _insist_ on interfering without thinking about anyone other than yourself.”

Johnny’s mouth twists, brow creasing as he listens to the other man’s words with growing resentment.

"Doyoung- I don’t know exactly what your problem with me is, but if you have one, _tell_ me,” He finally replies, his seemingly endless patience having finally worn thin. “I'm tired of this childish dance you insist we keep doing around each other-”

“Fine,” Doyoung snaps before he can even finish his sentence. 

“ _I’m_ tired of you thinking you can just insert yourself into everyone’s business when you have no right to. And I’m even _more_ tired of you continuing to bother me when I’ve made it very clear that I want nothing to do with you - if it were up to me I’d happily never see you again. Is that enough or should I keep going?”

Johnny stares at the other man in disbelief.

He’s swiftly overcome with the realisation that never in his life had he been met with such _hostility_ from another person, particularly when, as far as he was concerned, he’d done absolutely nothing to deserve it. 

It was Doyoung who had decided from the literal moment that they’d first laid eyes on each other that Johnny was apparently the enemy and, quite frankly, he’d grown tired of trying to prove that he wasn’t. 

If Doyoung wanted nothing to do with him, Johnny could easily make that happen. At this point, he’d be more than glad to, for his own sake. 

“I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you with my mere existence,” He replies stiffly, stamping down the anger that threatens to rise up inside him. It wouldn’t do anything to calm the situation. “I’ll be sure never to bother you again.”

For a brief moment, he’s convinced that he sees a flicker of regret ghost across Doyoung’s face, the younger man looking stricken for little more than a second. It settles into something much more closed-off, and it’s the last Johnny sees before Doyoung turns his back on him. 

“I look forward to it,” Johnny barely hears the other man mumble. “Now, please, let me get back to what I was doing before you so rudely interrupted.”

Johnny can’t help it - he lets out an incredulous laugh. He shakes his head as he makes his own way back to the door, hand on the doorknob as he speaks up for the final time.

"Goodbye Doyoung," He calls over his shoulder, not bothering to stop the bitterness that seeps into his words, practically oozing from each syllable. "I apologise for disturbing you, I hope I didn't ruin your entire day.”

The sound of the door slamming behind him rings in his ears for longer than is probably healthy. 

☆

“Does this mean Renjun and I have to stop being friends?” Donghyuck mumbles quietly later that night, having climbed into bed alongside Johnny the second he’d picked up on his foul mood. “Because I’m automatically on your side if you want me to be.”

Johnny smiles sadly, poking the younger man’s cheek. He really did admire his friend’s unwavering loyalty, considering he’d known Johnny for much less time than he had Renjun.

“No, of course not,” He replies. “You and Renjun have no place in this, it’s between me and Doyoung.”

Or, rather, it _was_ between him and the dancer, who was now more than content to pretend that Johnny was nothing more than an empty space when he took his place at the dinner table. It hurt, it really did, but unfortunately Johnny just had to accept that this was his life now.

“Do you want me to ask Renjun to talk to Doyoung about it?” Donghyuck is clearly hesitant even as he asks - probably because they both know how well _that_ would go down.

Johnny shakes his head.

“It’s fine, Hyuck, it really is. Try not to think about it too much, yeah? Get some sleep.”

Donghyuck nods, though he stubbornly insists on staying by Johnny’s side for the rest of the night. The bed really wasn’t made to accommodate both of them, hell, it was enough of a squeeze for Johnny on his own, but he didn’t have the heart to chase his roommate away. 

It did mean that he spent the majority of his night awake, lost in thoughts of whether he could have navigated his and Doyoung’s argument better, in a way that wouldn’t have resulted in _this_. While it wasn’t entirely his fault, Johnny can’t help but feel that he should have been the bigger person. 

He sighs, burrowing further under the covers (with some difficulty, considering how Donghyuck was happily hogging them in his sleep). Hopefully a miracle would happen, and it would all somehow blow over. That’s the least Johnny could wish for. 

☆

“Coming for a pint?”

Johnny looks up from where he’d been hunched over his desk to find Mark standing in the doorway. He raises an eyebrow.

“Are you even old enough to drink?”

“Funny,” The younger man rolls his eyes, but his shoulders tremble in the tell-tale way that lets Johnny know he’s holding back genuine laughter. “Come on, if we’re quick enough we can usually get Taeil to buy us the first round.”

“Well, how can I say no to that?” Johnny grins, already abandoning the letter he’d been poring over for the past hour.

Mark watches him, whistling to himself as Johnny wanders about the room to get ready. He strips his shirt off to switch it for a clean one, fastening the buttons with one hand while he combs through his hair with the other.

“I’d bring a coat or something, it gets cold after a while.” The younger man comments absently, adjusting the scarf wrapped around his own neck.

“Noted.” Johnny replies, grabbing the jacket he leaves slung over the back of his desk chair before he joins his friend by the door.

They walk to the tavern in comfortable silence, Mark tucking in close to his side so they don't get separated in the busy streets. 

It turns out the tavern sits not that far from the bar Johnny and his best friend used to haunt whenever they could - slacking off from their responsibilities in one of the many establishments owned by one of their fathers. 

Johnny sighs to himself at the thought: he should really finish that letter to Jaehyun sooner rather than later. The younger man was probably wondering what had happened to him, considering he'd essentially vanished without so much as a word.

Taeyong waves at them the second they're through the door, beaming from a large table tucked away in the corner of the room. Johnny barely has time to sit down before Donghyuck is beside him, pouting as he speaks.

"I thought you weren't going to come!"

"You didn't invite him," Mark cuts in before Johnny has a chance to answer. "I found him in your room on his own."

"No-one asked _you_." The younger man retorts, glaring at his friend until Mark gives in with a laugh, shuffling off to sit at Yukhei's side.

Johnny raises an eyebrow at his roommate.

"What?" Donghyuck asks him.

"Are you sure you two aren't related? I've only ever seen siblings bicker the way you do."

The younger man pulls a face, clearly repulsed at the thought of being related to Mark. Johnny simply laughs at him in response, nudging him in the ribs until Donghyuck giggles along with him.

As he looks around the room to take in his surroundings, Johnny finds he accidentally meets Doyoung's eyes from across the table. The other man looks away almost immediately, as though he'd been burnt. 

Johnny sighs softly.

It had been close to a month since the incident in the practice room and, true to his word, he’d stayed far away from the dancer.

Though, despite the other man’s harsh words, Johnny still found himself quietly pining for him. Which was ridiculous - Doyoung had made his feelings more than clear on multiple occasions, and it was about time that Johnny finally accepted that they were never going to be anything more than reluctantly civil to each other.

But, he'd never been the most logical person out there. As he watched Doyoung duck his head towards Yukhei, listening intently to whatever the younger man said before he throws his head back with laughter, Johnny couldn't help but wish he was in Yukhei's place.

A quiet _thud_ startles him suddenly, and he looks up in time to see Taeil stepping away from the table.

"A treat," The older man clarifies with a smile, gesturing towards the pint of beer that now sits in front of Johnny. "You look like you need it."

Johnny returns his smile easily, curling his fingers around the glass.

"Thanks."

Sipping his drink, Johnny watches patrons file in and out of the doors like clockwork, only affording them mild interest as he listens to the conversations going on around him. A group of young men around his age appear at one point, crowding around the other large table across the room from their own. 

One of them is the obvious leader of the pack, much more handsome and well-dressed in his fine blue silk shirt than the others, with the arrogance to match. His voice is loud, even above the din of the crowded tavern, ringing with a clear expectation that everyone’s attention should be on _him_. Johnny wrinkles his nose - he’d met more than his fair share of men like this one growing up, he knew exactly what to expect.

“Johnny, help me out here,” Mark’s voice catches his attention. “Hyuck is _insisting_ that lemonade is better than ginger ale and I need you to prove him wrong with me.”

“It _is_!” The younger man pipes up. “Mark just has bad taste buds.”

“Sorry Hyuck, I’m inclined to agree with Mark,” Johnny laughs as he turns back to his friends. “I-”

He pauses, frowning as he finds his gaze inexplicably drawn to where Doyoung sits tucked away in the corner. The dancer doesn’t notice him, too busy staring at this new group of men across the room. Or, rather, solely at the one that Johnny had singled out - Doyoung positively _transfixed_ as he watches the man talk to one of his companions. 

Johnny makes a thoughtful noise to himself, trying to piece together what could be going on. Does Doyoung know this man? If he does, it’s clearly not a happy relationship: he can’t help but notice how _tense_ the dancer looks, watching as the younger man gnaws at his bottom lip so hard he’s surprised the skin doesn’t split.

“Johnny?”

“Sorry,” He startles, tearing his eyes away from the dancer and back to Mark. “I must have zoned out.”

“It’s alright. Everything good?”

Johnny slides Doyoung another look out of the corner of his eye, relaxing a fraction when he notices Taeyong has returned to the other man. He and Doyoung might apparently be enemies now, but that doesn’t mean he enjoyed seeing the dancer in discomfort. Hopefully Taeyong will be able to remedy the situation. 

The tavern is still relatively busy later into the night, even though their own group has diminished. 

“Trying to run away from your inevitable defeat?” Yukhei smirks as Johnny stands up, effectively abandoning the card game they’d fallen into once Mark, Renjun and Donghyuck had left for home.

He’s not entirely sure why Yukhei hadn’t gone with them, but he was enjoying the younger man’s company at least. Especially considering his other alternative would be Doyoung, Taeil, and Taeyong, who appeared to be engrossed in a grave conversation. All the money in the world wouldn’t convince Johnny to intrude on _that_.

“For a smoke,” He responds, shaking his lighter for clarification. “Want to come with?”

“Sure, I could use some air.”

It’s pouring with rain when they duck outside, dark clouds crowding the night sky above them. Yukhei immediately grumbles, trying to position his hands just-so to stop his hair from getting soaked. Johnny snorts, shrugging his jacket off to hand it to the other man to use as a makeshift umbrella.

“Take it, I don’t care about getting wet.”

Yukhei grins at him, quick to drape the brown leather over his head.

“Thanks man, you’re the best.”

They huddle together underneath a covered doorway across the street from the courtyard that houses the tavern.

“The tavern landlord’s never liked it when people smoke outside the doors,” The younger man shrugs by way of explanation. “So I thought this would be best.”

“Fair.” Johnny responds, passing over his cigarette so his friend can take a drag. 

They easily fall into continuing the conversation they’d been having back inside - a discussion of the bet surrounding Donghyuck and Renjun.

“Hyuck is smitten,” Johnny sighs. “I think he’s closer to cracking and confessing each day.”

“Hopefully he can wait, I’ve got money on them not getting together properly until winter and I don’t want to lose out.” Yukhei groans.

A sudden burst of noise from across the street catches their attention, and Johnny looks over in time to see the group of men from the tavern filing out of the courtyard. Something must have happened to excite them as they’re even more rowdy than before, their leader wearing a self-satisfied smirk as he leads them away. 

“Idiots.” Yukhei mutters close to his ear. “At least it should be quieter in there now.”

Johnny hums in agreement, putting out the remains of his cigarette after taking one last drag. 

“One more drink then we head off?” He asks his friend, stepping back down onto the cobblestones of the street.

“Sounds like an idea to me.” Yukhei grins. “Considering it’s your round.”

Johnny rolls his eyes.

“Of course.” 

The rain is heavier now than it was before, enough that even Johnny is eager to get back under cover. He crosses the street in four, five paces, shaking his head when he hears his friend laugh at how he jumps across the stones to miss a myriad of puddles.

However, when he rounds the post that marks the entrance into the courtyard, Johnny freezes.

For Doyoung stands alone in the centre of the courtyard.

It shouldn’t be that concerning of a sight - Johnny had watched Doyoung and Taeyong slip outside frequently throughout the evening. Even the fact that it’s raining doesn’t make all that much of a difference, he’s out in it too, after all.

However, there’s just _something_ not right about the way Doyoung seems to be curling in on himself, arms tightly wrapped around his body like he’s trying to stop everything from falling apart. Deep down, Johnny knows he shouldn’t interfere. That he should go inside and fetch Taeyong, who would know exactly what to say and what to do in a situation like this. 

But he’s also never been the kind of person to pass over anyone who’s in obvious distress.

“Doyoung…?” He chances, gently touching the other man’s elbow to alert him of his presence.

Doyoung draws in a sharp breath, rounding on him with a wild look in his eye. Johnny tries not to flinch away in shock. 

“I-I” The dancer shudders, looking away from him to instead stare at a spot on the floor.

“It’s okay,” Johnny tries to soothe, though something clearly isn’t. He pauses. “Are you okay?”

Doyoung shakes his head silently, sending water droplets flying everywhere. He’s positively drenched, his inky black hair plastered to his forehead, white shirt almost see-through from how wet the material is. He shivers underneath the loose hold of Johnny’s fingers, leaving the older man wondering just how long he’d been out here.

A touch to Johnny’s shoulder, and he turns to find Yukhei behind them.

“What’s going on?” The younger man asks, a worried look on his face as he gestures towards Doyoung.

Johnny shakes his head by way of reply, gratefully taking his jacket when Yukhei returns it to him. He swiftly drapes it around Doyoung, rubbing at the dancer’s arms to try and warm him up faster.

“Doyoung?” He murmurs, attempting to get his attention. “Do you want me to take you back inside to Taeyong and Taeil?”

“I… I want to go home.” The younger man mumbles, looking up at Johnny with pleading eyes. “Please? Take me home?”

Johnny bites his lip, looking round to share a concerned look with Yukhei. The dancer must be feeling truly dire if he’s trusting _Johnny_ to look after him. There’s a nagging voice in the back of his head that insists he should go get Taeyong anyway, but he finds his resolve quickly crumbles when Doyoung surges forward suddenly, clutching at his shirt.

“ _Please_.” He whispers, barely audible over the rumble of thunder overhead. 

What else can Johnny do but nod?

“Okay,” He whispers in return, gently pulling Doyoung away from his chest. He looks over to Yukhei. “Tell Taeil and Taeyong I’ve taken Doyoung home for me, please?”

“Sure,” The younger man nods in return, chasing away a raindrop that runs down the bridge of his nose. “See you at home.”

“See you.” Johnny bids his friend farewell, hand on Doyoung’s shoulder to steer him back out onto the street.

The walk home is relatively short, the circus building separated from them by just a few winding streets and back alleys. And yet it had never felt so endless, Johnny’s stomach twisting itself into anxious knots at how miserably quiet Doyoung was beside him. He’s never been so reassured by the sight of the vibrant blue door that marks their arrival home, and he’s all too eager to usher the younger man inside.

The foyer is warm and bright, a welcoming contrast to the storm back outside. Johnny breathes a sigh of relief, trying to shake off some of the excess water clinging to his skin. 

“Better?” He turns to ask Doyoung, noting that the dancer still seems to be almost wilting, even now that they’re out of the rain. 

He listens as the other man takes in a deep breath, letting it go with a shaky exhale.

“M-Much,” He replies. “Thank you.”

“Do you want me to walk you to your room?” It’s probably overkill, but Johnny can’t help but worry that Doyoung might not make it to bed in one piece with the way he looks seconds away from falling apart.

Still, the younger man shakes his head.

“That won’t be necessary,” He mumbles, careful to avoid meeting Johnny’s gaze as he removes the older man’s jacket to return it to him. “Thank you again, Johnny.” 

“You’re welcome,” Johnny breathes, watching as Doyoung heads for the door leading towards the crew’s living quarters. “...Doyoung?”

He expects the dancer to ignore him, so he’s amazed when he actually does stop to silently wait for him to elaborate. Johnny swallows around the lump that’s quickly formed in his throat. 

“Just… You know where to find me, if you need me.”

Doyoung ducks his head - the doorway hiding the majority of his face from view. Johnny is just about to make out that he nods before he disappears through the door, leaving the older man alone in the empty foyer with nothing but his thoughts.

☆

He expects that to be the end of it. But Doyoung seems intent on surprising him.

Johnny is about to crawl into bed, having showered and finally peeled himself out of his sodden clothes, when there’s a knock at the door. He frowns questioningly at the noise - the only person who could be calling this late into the night would be Donghyuck, who seemed to have disappeared off to god knows where. And even then, his roommate would probably let himself in anyway. 

Johnny shrugs as he stands back up, crossing his room to open the door. Maybe Donghyuck was trying his best not to disturb him, or something like that.

But, nothing in the world would have been able to prepare him for who actually waits on the other side of the door. 

“I…” Doyoung fiddles with the sleeves of his pyjama shirt, eyes downturned. “I-I’m sorry to bother you, but I can’t find Renjun and I- I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Despite a suspicion that this might not be the best idea, Johnny doesn’t hesitate before he’s nodding.

“Of course,” He opens the door wider so Doyoung can easily duck beneath his arm. “Come in.”

It’s certainly a surreal sight - Doyoung standing in the middle of his and Donghyuck’s (slightly messy, Johnny notes as he tries to kick an abandoned shirt underneath one of the beds) room, looking for all the world as though he’d ended up there by accident. 

Doyoung must feel out of place himself, biting his lip as he wanders the space around him, each step the definition of self-conscious. He lets out a quiet noise of what might be interest as he comes to hover by the shelf that holds most of Johnny’s things, stooping to peer at his collection of books.

“I didn’t know you liked to read.”

Johnny snorts.

“Does it seem that out of character for me?” He asks, watching the younger man reverently run a finger over the spine of a well-worn novel. 

The dancer, perhaps wisely, chooses not to answer. 

“You’re welcome to borrow them any time.” Johnny murmurs after a beat of silence. “Should you wish.”

Doyoung falters, head low as he slowly straightens back up.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” He murmurs, keeping his back to the older man.

Johnny shrugs. Mostly because he doesn’t know either, if he’s being honest. He should have slammed the door in Doyoung’s face - really, he should have left him back in the rain. Bringing him home was probably more than enough, he didn’t need to do this too. And yet, the dancer still stares at him from across his bedroom.

“I’m just that kind of person, I suppose.” He settles for, in the end.

Doyoung’s shoulders visibly sag, a mournful sigh escaping him.

“I- I’m sorry, I’m really intruding. You were about to go to sleep, weren’t you?” The younger man finally turns to look at Johnny again, his expression carefully schooled to give nothing away. “I’ll leave you to rest.”

Johnny shakes his head, holding out an arm to block the dancer from leaving before he has a chance to listen to what he has to say.

“You’re welcome to stay, seeing as you can’t find Renjun. Going back to your empty room would rather defeat the purpose of coming to find someone to keep you company, wouldn’t it?”

Doyoung’s lips part with what is most likely a protest, or just outright refusal. Johnny raises an eyebrow in return, the gesture apparently enough to make the younger man nod stiffly instead.

“I suppose you’re right.” He whispers.

And that’s how Johnny finds himself tucked up in his roommate’s bed, having let Doyoung take his own. A heroic sacrifice, really, considering he has no idea the last time Donghyuck changed his sheets. He resolves to force him to do that tomorrow.

Doyoung’s breathing is soft and even in the darkness of his room, suggesting that he’s fallen asleep. Which gives Johnny a chance to ruminate on his thoughts. 

What exactly was he doing? And, more importantly, what was _Doyoung_ doing going along with it? 

If anything, Johnny had an excuse for how this entire situation had come about. After all, he was very much aware that he was perhaps a little too soft-hearted towards everyone he met, particularly when they needed his help. That apparently extended even to people who clearly disliked him. 

But, that doesn’t account for why Doyoung had come to find him. 

Mark was somewhere in the building, and Renjun and Donghyuck couldn’t have gone _that_ far. Hell, the trio that he and the dancer had left behind at the tavern had more than likely returned by now. All familiar faces, people that Doyoung was admittedly much more comfortable with. So, why had he chosen to seek out Johnny, of all people? 

It just didn’t make sense. 

Despite the thoughts racing through his head he must drift off at some point, since he finds his eyes heavy with the familiar feeling of sleep when he next blinks them open. Johnny grunts to himself softly, rolling over to bury his face further into the pillow, trying to chase the tail end of the dream he’d been having. 

At first, he assumes that he’d just naturally woken up as he tends to do often on a regular night. 

However, he realises that this is no regular night, and he’s awake due to another reason.

Sitting up to lean back on his elbows, Johnny realises he’d been woken by the soft sound of crying, muffled though it is. His heart sinks as he squints through the darkness to take in Doyoung’s form huddled under the blankets, no doubt curled in on himself for comfort.

Johnny isn’t sure what possesses him to move, but he’s throwing Donghyuck’s covers off of himself and getting back up before his brain has time to catch up. He strides across the room, ignoring the way in which Doyoung’s breath hitches as Johnny carefully nudges him over, slipping in next to him once there’s enough room for him to.

Well, there isn’t really - Johnny’s bed only _just_ finds him and him alone on a good day. And, while he’s used to Donghyuck snuggling in next to him on occasion, Doyoung for all his delicate elegance is both taller and also broader in the shoulders than Johnny’s beloved roommate. All in all, it makes for a tight squeeze.

“W-What-” Doyoung stammers, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Johnny rubs it away with his sleeve before it can fall onto the pillow. 

“Earlier you said you didn’t want to be alone, right? Well, now you’re not.”

Doyoung blinks at him in astonishment, more tears escaping thanks to it. Johnny catches them all, pulling the younger man flush against him.

(Because he has no other choice, what with the little space they have. It’s not for any other reason, not like he wants to keep Doyoung close, to let the dancer revel in the warmth and comfort that comes from having someone near. Nothing like that.)

He can feel how hesitant Doyoung is, even as the younger man comes to curl up against his chest. Johnny moves to hold him carefully, rubbing slow circles into Doyoung’s shoulder until he feels the dancer practically melt beneath his touch.

“Okay?” He asks. 

“Mmm.” Doyoung hums, sending a funny little vibration through Johnny’s sternum. It feels nice, he can’t help but note .

“Get some sleep,” The older man murmurs. “I’ll be here.”

Doyoung nods, already looking a lot more at peace as he closes his eyes once again.

Johnny isn’t sure how long he stays awake this time, long after Doyoung has fallen back asleep. He finds he can’t fall asleep again, too hypnotised by the sight of the dancer curled up on his chest, like their argument weeks ago had never happened. 

Johnny can’t help but worry about what this means for their relationship now - would they go back to pretending the other didn’t exist, or would something be born from this vulnerable moment they share together? It’s a question his tired brain can’t find an answer to right this second, foggy from the events of the night (plus the alcohol hadn’t helped.) 

Morning will be a better time to mull this over, he decides, letting his eyes fall closed. Perhaps he and Doyoung could discuss the matter over breakfast, a thought that brings a smile to his face as he finally drifts off once more. 

☆

Johnny wakes up to find the other side of his bed empty, the sheets cold underneath his touch.

For a moment, he wonders if it had all been a dream - if the fuzzy memories of Doyoung curled up on his chest, fingers clutching tightly at the material of Johnny’s shirt had all been wishful thinking on his part. He combs his own fingers through his messy hair, trying to will his brain to wake up quicker than it’s attempting to.

“Hey.”

Johnny startles at the sudden sound of Yukhei’s voice. Frowning, he looks over to see the younger man grinning at him from where he’s sprawled across Donghyuck’s bed, looking for all the world as if he belonged there.

“I-” Johnny shakes his head. “What time is it?”

“A little past ten,” Yukhei answers easily, checking his watch. “I’ve been here for like, half an hour.”

“Okay... why are you here, exactly?”

A fond and amused expression takes over the other man’s face.

“Well, I woke up to Donghyuck in bed with me and Mark. Which I don’t particularly mind, but Hyuck steals the sheets and kicks in his sleep. Which, coincidentally, is the reason I found myself awake, so I thought I’d come take advantage of his empty bed.”

“Oh.” Johnny sniffs. 

_Makes sense_ , he thinks to himself as he grabs hold of the tangle of his own sheets. He lifts them as surreptitiously as he can in his sleepy state, wondering if Doyoung had somehow wriggled his way further down the bed to hide there.

“He’s gone, by the way.”

“Huh?”

Johnny drops the handful of material, embarrassed to have been caught. He looks over towards the other bed, pressing his lips together at the knowing smile Yukhei gives him.

“Doyoung. He’d left by the time I came in.”

So it wasn’t a dream after all. Johnny lets out a breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding. 

“Did you happen to see where he went?” He dares ask the younger man.

“Nah,” Yukhei answers, watching with a pitying smile as Johnny’s shoulders sag. “But it is Doyoung we’re talking about, there’s only a handful of places he’d hide himself away in.”

And with that, his friend stretches, letting a book the older man recognises as also belonging to Donghyuck fall shut on the bed covers. Johnny watches as Yukhei stands up, rolling his shoulder as he walks to the door.

“Good luck,” His friend smiles at him. “Just remember that Doyoung is kind of fragile, even if he himself doesn’t like to acknowledge it.”

The silence his friend leaves behind is almost deafening.

Johnny sighs, immediately swinging his legs to the side so he can stand up from his bed. He changes swiftly, pausing to splash his face with cold water from the basin. As he combs his hair properly this time, he mulls over the situation he finds himself in.

Doyoung had clearly fled, ensuring he left while Johnny was definitely still asleep. Is going after him the best idea, particularly after what had happened last night? Johnny doesn't know all that much about the other man - Doyoung clearly preferred it that way - but he knows enough to realise that the dancer was probably mortified right now. Maybe it would be best if he stayed away.

Still, Johnny thinks to himself as he sits down to pull his boots on, surely just checking up on Doyoung wouldn't hurt, right? 

And with that, he decides he will go track down the other man, wherever it is that he's hidden himself away.

Thankfully, Doyoung is predictable sometimes.

After finding Renjun and Doyoung's room empty, Johnny had wandered through the building until he found himself back in the dancer's wing. He's met with the obvious sounds of someone practicing as he lets himself into the familiar room, the steady _thump, thump, thump_ , of the sandbags echoing the beating of his own heart. 

As though fate had intervened, Doyoung descends from the ceiling as Johnny lets the door quietly close behind him. Though, it's clear from the way the dancer keeps his back to the door that he hasn't noticed the other man's presence yet.

Johnny bites his lip, fidgeting as he debates on the best way to catch the younger man's attention. He steps closer to the ring as he does so, freezing as the floorboards creak loudly beneath his boots. Doyoung stills too, knuckles white where he clutches at the fabric of his silks. Johnny holds his breath as the younger man turns slowly, lifting his head to meet his gaze from across the room.

For a moment, all they do is stare at each other, Doyoung's eyes wide as he takes in the sight of him by the door. Then, as Johnny opens his mouth to speak, the dancer jerks away suddenly. Pulling tight at the fabric in his hand, Doyoung clearly intends to climb up and away from him, most likely to hide himself away in the rafters until Johnny gives in and leaves. 

(Not that Johnny actually intends to.)

"Doyoung-" He starts, walking towards the ring even as the other man visibly panics.

There's a tearing noise, and Johnny can't hold back the gasp that escapes him as Doyoung's aerial silk rips, sending him plummeting back towards the ground. In reality, it wouldn’t be that significant of a fall, but Johnny doesn't think twice before he's surging forward, arms outstretched to catch the other man and bring him in close to his chest.

Doyoung is relatively light, he'd observed as much last night, but the force surrounding him is enough to send both of them sprawling to the floor in a pile. The silks fall around them, cushioning the major of their impact against the sawdust covered tiles.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asks after a moment, pushing off of the floor to instead hover over the man beneath him.

"I... I think so." Doyoung wheezes, immediately coughing as he accidentally takes in a mouth of sawdust.

Johnny sighs, sitting back up to reach for the water bottle he knows the dancer always keeps close by whenever he's practicing. He hands it wordlessly to him, watching as Doyoung drains its contents. The younger man places it between them, like he's building a barrier between himself and Johnny.

Silence stretches between them. Johnny worries his lower lip between his teeth, watching Doyoung's hand where he draws patterns in the mess at his feet. The younger man must feel his eyes on him, as he looks up to scowl at Johnny in return.

"Don't look at me like that."

Johnny blinks in surprise.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm some wretched thing," Doyoung spits, venom in his words. "I don't want it - I don't want your pity."

Johnny presses his lips together, fighting hard against the wave of bitterness that rises up inside him, threatening to overwhelm his more sensible emotions. He lets loose a harsh breath, secretly relishing in the way the noise makes Doyoung jump. It's a few more seconds before he trusts himself to speak again.

"Doyoung." He murmurs.

There must be something about his tone, because the other man looks up to meet his gaze, his own eyes glittering with some emotion Johnny isn't quite privy too. The older man sighs.

"Doyoung, I- I'm not here because I pity you. I'm here because last night was clearly upsetting for you, and you disappeared so suddenly that I was worried."

"Oh."

Doyoung's voice is small with his reply, and he shrinks away from Johnny more and more the longer the older man speaks. Johnny watches him in concern.

"You don't have to tell me anything, just..." Johnny hesitates, before leaning over to just gently rest his fingertips on the back of Doyoung's right hand. He feels the younger man flinch, but at least he doesn't pull away. "Let me in, Doyoung. All I want is to be your friend and look out for you, I don't understand why you won't allow yourself that."

Doyoung inhales sharply, tearing his hand away to cradle it safely against his chest.

"I don't owe you an explanation for anything." He mumbles, though his words lack the hostility from earlier.

"You're right, you don't," Johnny soothes. "But I do want us to be friends. Will you let me have that, at least?"

The dancer frowns, refusing to meet his eyes. Johnny's shoulders sag, already bracing himself for the disappointment inevitably heading his way.

But, to his surprise, the younger man nods. It's small, miniscule even, but it's there, and Johnny feels hope suddenly swell inside of him.

"Okay," Doyoung mumbles. "Okay. Just... Don't expect me to immediately be all over you like Donghyuck. I'm not that kind of person."

Johnny smiles softly at him.

"Of course not, I don't think even I could live up to Hyuck's energy." He chuckles.

Johnny then stands, brushing away the sawdust clinging to his pants. He looks up to the ceiling, whistling lowly when he takes in the short scrap of fabric that dangles high up there, the remainder of the aerial silk that lies still tangled around Doyoung's legs.

"I'll arrange an order of new material for you," He turns to address the dancer. "Maybe avoid using the one that's still hanging, I'm worried that it'll tear too when you're next practicing alone."

Doyoung nods obediently, frowning as he too looks up towards the ceiling.

"I'll let Renjun know," He murmurs. "We can... Practice on the floor or something."

"Sounds like a plan to me.” Johnny smiles. “I'm going to get some lunch, if you'd like to join me?"

Doyoung shakes his head.

"No, I'm not particularly hungry." He turns his head towards Johnny once again, a small smile on his face. "Thank you for the invitation though."

"Any time," Johnny replies, trying not to dwell on what seeing Doyoung smiling does to him. "I'll see you around?"

"You will."

And, as he leaves the room, Johnny can't help but feel hopeful at how Doyoung's parting words sound awfully like a promise.

☆

Despite the hope that blooms inside him like the first flower in spring, Johnny half expects that their relationship will immediately return to how it usually is.

But, to his surprise, it seems that Doyoung has other plans.

“Is this seat taken?”

Johnny looks up from where he'd been about to start on dinner to find the dancer standing over him, head turned away. 

For a brief moment, all he can do is look up at the younger man in surprise - Doyoung nearly always arrives at meals once he's sure the others have finished up, tucking himself into a corner to eat in solitude. Johnny hadn't been here as long as the others had, but even he knew that this was a rare event.

However, he can't miss just how tense the younger man is, unease and anxiety rolling off of him in veritable waves as he stares determinedly at a spot on the wall just behind Johnny's head. He grips so hard at the back of the chair next to Johnny's that it's a miracle the wood doesn't splinter there and then.

(Though, as awful as it sounds, Johnny can't help but think it makes for a rather endearing sight. Doyoung always acted so cool, it was novel to see him this flustered.)

Still, he's quick to put him out of his misery.

“Sure.” Johnny replies, shuffling his chair over to make it easier for Doyoung to slide in next to him.

Doyoung hesitates, and when Johnny tilts his head to look at him he sees surprise ghosting over the other man's face. 

Something aches deep inside the older man's chest as he wonders if Doyoung had been anticipating straight-up rejection from him. Johnny debates if he should say something to encourage the dancer, but he rather feels that has the potential to make things worse, so he just settles for a warm smile. 

Doyoung bites his lip, body stiff as he finally sits down.

Conversation stutters to a halt around them, and Johnny glances up to find Donghyuck staring at him open-mouthed, the younger man's expression the definition of comical as his eyes flicker between himself and Doyoung.

Despite much probing from his roommate (who had caught wind of something happening between Johnny and the dancer from Mark, who had been informed of said development by Yukhei), Johnny had kept quiet about the new truce between himself and Doyoung. He assumed the last thing the younger man wanted was for his business to be spread about the circus crew like gossip and, as much as Johnny adored Donghyuck, he knew that his friend was terrible at keeping secrets.

So, he really can't blame his roommate for looking at him like he'd suddenly sprouted a second head. That doesn't stop Johnny from wordlessly shaking his head at Donghyuck, watching in satisfaction as the younger man closes his jaw with an audible snap. He then turns to meet Yukhei's gaze, his friend thankfully seeming to read his mind as he returns to whatever conversation he'd been having with Taeil previously. 

And thus, normality resumes. 

Johnny sighs softly to himself in relief, finally returning to his own dinner.

“How was practice?” He asks his new neighbour, trying not to smile at the way Doyoung startles at his addressing him. “Did you figure out that move you said you were struggling with a while back?”

"That move-" Doyoung's eyes widen as Johnny's words sink in. "You remembered?"

"Of course." Johnny replies.

The younger man stares at him for a few seconds, eyes flickering as he clearly tries to ascertain if the older man is making fun of him in some way. Johnny keeps his face as neutral as possible, waiting.

Doyoung seems to eventually decide he's trustworthy, as he leans back in his chair.

"I did." He hesitates, prodding at a piece of meat on his plate to give himself time to think. "Would... Would you like to hear about it?"

"I'd love to." Johnny replies, making sure to back his words up with an encouraging grin.

Maybe everything will be alright, after all.

☆

Johnny leans against the wood of Doyoung and Renjun's door frame, biting back an amused smile at the sight before him.

Doyoung sits curled up on his bed with the latest book he’d borrowed from him, so engrossed in the story he finds within its pages that he clearly hasn't noticed Johnny's presence at all. There's a cute little frown between the younger man's eyebrows, his tongue poking out the side of his mouth from concentration as he turns the page.

Johnny could probably stand there and watch him all day. But, that would be _incredibly_ creepy, and isn't actually what he came here for. So, he clears his throat quietly.

The effect is instantaneous: Doyoung jolts so hard Johnny is amazed he doesn't fall from the bed. The look he sends the older man is one of mixed shock and betrayal, and Johnny can't help but grin in response.

"Hi."

" _Hi_?" Doyoung splutters. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"My apologies," Johnny coos. "You just looked so content, I couldn't bring myself to interrupt."

"And yet you did it, anyway," The younger man grumbles, sitting up. "Is there something you need?"

"No. I just came by to ask if you wanted to come to the market with me."

Doyoung drops his book. Johnny looks away, pretending not to see the way the younger man scrambles for it, clearly flustered.

"M-Me?" He eventually stammers out, returning the book safely to his nightstand.

"There's no-one else here, is there?" Johnny smiles. "Unless Renjun is hiding away under the bed."

"He's not." Doyoung is quick to reply, shaking his head.

"Good to know. So...?"

Doyoung bites his lip, obviously weighing up his decision in his mind. Johnny waits nervously, though he does his best not to show it. Inviting Doyoung had been a spontaneous decision and, while he promised himself he wouldn't take it personally if the younger man rejected him, he would still feel the sting. They'd finally been getting on so well lately, he wouldn’t want to ruin it. 

"It's okay," He reassures Doyoung, offering him an out if he needs it. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"No," Doyoung shakes his head. "I- I want to. Thank you for inviting me."

Fondness slowly unfurls itself inside of Johnny's chest, warming him all the way to his fingertips. He nods in response.

"Of course. I'll let you get ready - meet you outside once you're done?"

"Sure." Doyoung offers him a sweet smile in return, eyes curving up into happy crescents.

Johnny thinks about that smile during his entire walk through the building and out into the sunshine.

(If he's honest, he thinks about it for the rest of the day, still dwelling on it late that night, long after he and Doyoung had said their goodbyes. Something that he should perhaps examine a little more closely, but Johnny just dismisses that errant thought.)

☆

“Why are you always with Doyoung lately?” Donghyuck whines, throwing himself down on Johnny’s bed.

The older man accommodates him easily, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to mess with his hair. 

“Because he’s my friend, and friends spend time together, like we’re doing now.”

“Ugh,” The younger man rolls his eyes. “But you two are _always_ together now, he can’t be that great of a friend.”

Johnny fixes him with an amused look.

“Why are you complaining? Last I checked, you were making great use of Renjun’s newfound free time.”

Donghyuck’s cheeks glow so bright he would almost put the sun to shame.

“I- You-” His roommate chokes, scrambling up off of the bed. “I think I hear Taeyong calling me, I’ll see you at d-dinner!” “See you around.” Johnny croons, not bothering to inform Donghyuck that Taeyong is across town on business and won’t return until later that evening. Where would be the fun in that?

☆

It’s late. Exactly how late, Johnny isn’t sure, but he’s very much aware of it.

Which is stupid, really, considering he has to be up at the crack of dawn, having promised to accompany Taeil to some sponsor meeting. Something about double-checking revenues and expenditures and all that. Truth be told, Johnny hadn't really been paying attention. Dedicated as he is to this circus and his new found family, sometimes the more boring details would just wash over him, like how the ocean laps gently at the pier he sits on now.

Next to him, Doyoung is close enough that his thigh presses against Johnny's own, the brief touch just enough to send his heartbeat into a frenzy. He was already quietly flustered as is, and this only made it worse. Thank goodness it was dark out.

The younger man had knocked tentatively on his door however long ago, voice hushed so he didn't wake Donghyuck as he'd shyly invited Johnny out to watch the stars with him. Johnny hadn't even hesitated before he'd accepted, and now he had never been so happy that he'd agreed to something in his entire twenty-five years on this planet.

Doyoung sighs - content, but also a little melancholy at the same time. Johnny turns to smile softly at him.

"Something on your mind?"

"Not particularly," The dancer answers. "Just thinking about how unusual it is to have someone out here with me."

"Oh?" Johnny finds curiosity gets the better of him quite easily. "Do you only normally come alone?"

"Mmm," Doyoung nods. "Counterproductive as it may be, I usually come out here when I'm feeling lonely. The night sky makes it all a little more bearable."

There’s something a little somber about the idea of Doyoung curled up alone where they sit together now, trying desperately to soothe the loneliness in his heart by drawing comfort from the stars. It’s enough to make Johnny’s heart ache.

"Lonely?" He repeats.

Just a gentle probe, nothing too invasive (at least, he hopes so). Easy enough for Doyoung to ignore it if he wishes.

The dancer is quiet for so long that Johnny assumes he's doing just that, leaving him to wrack his brains for a topic suitable enough to smooth everything over. He's just about to bring up what he hopes is a funny anecdote from the last time he'd watched Yukhei attempting to teach Bella a new trick when Doyoung speaks up again.

"I grew up an orphan."

Johnny blinks, taken aback.

"Doyoung-" He pauses, wracking his brain for the right words to say. "I… I'm so sorry-"

"You don't have to apologise," The younger man snorts. "I've long made my peace with it."

"Still..." Johnny frowns, thinking of his own childhood. While it hadn't been the happiest, it had at least been stable. "Was it bad?"

"Oh, it was terrible," Doyoung replies, so casually they might as well be talking about the weather. "I ran away at every chance I got, even as a child I decided that sleeping outside in winter was a better option than staying _there_."

Johnny glances at the other man out of the corner of his eye, saddened by the thought of a young Doyoung struggling to survive. He reaches out to quietly take his hand, offering it a gentle squeeze of support. Doyoung smiles.

"I'm okay now," He reassures him. "Don't worry about me."

"How did you find yourself here, then?" Johnny asks.

It was so unlike Doyoung to be this forthcoming with information about himself, and he couldn't help but want to find out as much as possible about the other man.

"Before I met Taeil I was part of another circus. A much bigger one, where I was in a troupe of dancers. I'd grown up thinking the circus was just something so _magical_ , the perfect escape from any troubles that seemed to chase me wherever I went. And for a while, it was. I was happy there."

Doyoung falls quiet, taking a moment to watch the moonlight reflect off of the waves. He shifts, and Johnny assumes that he's going to pull away from him. But, to his surprise, the younger man instead weaves their fingers together.

"Do you remember that night at the tavern?" He eventually whispers.

Johnny nods, because of course he remembered. How could he not, when the image of Doyoung standing in the rain was still clear in his mind as though it had only happened yesterday?

"You probably guessed as much, but I knew that man. The- The one in the blue shirt. We have history together."

"Was he a dancer too?" Johnny murmurs, carefully watching for the other man's reaction.

"No," Doyoung shakes his head. "He was the son of one of the main investors - his father would send him in his place to keep an eye on the circus. We met when I was asked to show him around, and it just spiralled from there. He... was unlike anyone I'd ever met before. Kind, polite, always so attentive no matter what I said or did."

There's a wistfulness to Doyoung's words, a longing for whatever he had once had. He sighs again, eyes closed as he tips his head back.

"I gave him everything. My trust, my heart, even my-" He ducks his head again suddenly, and if Johnny squints he can just about make out the blush that burns its way across his cheeks. "I- I'm sure you get the picture."

"I do." Johnny reassures him, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb.

Doyoung's shoulders sag.

"I loved him. As much as it still hurts to admit it, I can't lie to myself. I loved him with every fibre of my being, and I thought he felt the same."

Johnny feels his heart sink.

"You mean he didn't?" He whispers.

A scoff, Doyoung turning his head away.

"It was a dare, one of his friends bet him that he couldn't get with me. I told him I loved him and all he did was laugh. Said that I was a fool for thinking we could be together."

Rage twists deep inside Johnny, hot and ugly. He flexes the fingers of his free hand.

"Bastard," He rumbles. "If I'd have known, I'd have punched him in the face."

Doyoung snorts, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Settle down, prince charming. I can handle myself."

It's embarrassing how much the other man's words affect him - Johnny's heart skipping a beat at the nickname, even though it's intended to tease him. If Doyoung notices his grip briefly tighten, he doesn't say anything.

"Anyway, I did confront him myself. I followed him outside when he went to smoke and I demanded he speak to me."

"And how did that go?" Johnny asks, though he already knows the answer.

Doyoung gives him a look that would wither any flower, rolling his eyes when Johnny smiles apologetically at him.

"I thought I could handle it," The dancer mumbles, after a beat. "I thought I could make him feel as small as he made me feel, all those years ago. But... one look into his eyes and I felt like I was reliving that day all over again."

Doyoung stares down at his reflection in the water, sneering at the mirror image of himself.

"And then I realised it wasn't only him I had to blame, it was myself too," He hisses. "I was too _weak_ to notice I was being taken advantage of, even when all the signs were there. He was right, I truly am a fool."

Johnny watches in concern as the dancer tears his eyes away from the waves, body shuddering with the deep breath he takes. It was no wonder that Doyoung seemed so cold and unapproachable - hell, Johnny rather thought that anyone would be if they'd lived the life that the younger man had.

Doyoung had been left with little choice but to build his guard up, effectively closing his emotions off from everyone around him to protect himself from being hurt again. Johnny _ached_ for a chance to ease some of that pain, take away even just the slightest bit of the dancer's suffering so he wouldn't be so bitter towards himself.

He lets go of Doyoung's hand, not missing the way the younger man flinches as he does so. Instead, he rests it on his shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault," He murmurs, drawing the dancer's attention to him. "You did nothing wrong by letting yourself fall in love after all you'd been through, Doyoung. You're human after all, all we want is to love and be loved in return. That doesn't make you weak at all, in my opinion."

Doyoung stares at him for a brief moment, a glassy look to his eyes that Johnny pointedly ignores. There's nothing but the sound of the water lapping against the pier for a while, before the dancer speaks again.

"T-Thank you." He whispers, so quiet that Johnny almost misses it.

Thankfully, he didn't.

"You're welcome," He smiles softly in return. He nudges Doyoung carefully. "Thank you for trusting me, and for inviting me to stargaze with you. I understand why you do it now."

Doyoung nods at his words, falling silent as his gaze flickers to the wide sky above them.

"Have you ever seen something so beautiful?" He whispers, the pale light of the full moon illuminating his skin until he practically glows, like something out of a dream.

Johnny's heart aches so much that he wonders if he'll survive long enough to see morning.

"I can think of at least one thing." He murmurs in reply, before he can stop himself.

It takes a moment for his words to register, but when they do, Doyoung turns to regard him with wide eyes. Johnny holds his gaze with nothing more than a shy smile to accompany it, leaving it up to the younger man to make the next move. Doyoung's lips part ever-so-slightly, the ghost of a protest clearly on the top of his tongue, daring him to speak it aloud.

But, to Johnny's delight, it never comes.

Instead, Doyoung closes that last minute (yet seemingly endless) distance between them, coming to rest his head on Johnny's shoulder.

"You're something else, John Suh." He mumbles, snuggling into the warmth of the older man's side.

Johnny holds his breath for a moment, almost too afraid to move in case he scares Doyoung away again. Then, so slowly it's nearly comical, he moves to rest his head against Doyoung's own, revelling in the content little noise the younger man makes.

"I would say the same of you." Johnny murmurs in reply.

☆

“You could have left that for morning, you know,” Taeyong comments from where he’s reclined across several seats in the grand-stand, the red detailing of his costume sparkling in the lights. “You did a lot of prep help for the show, you deserve to rest too, John.”

Johnny shrugs, scrubbing at yet another mud stain on the wooden staircase. It had been raining endlessly for the past few days, meaning that their latest audience had tracked far too much mud in with them when they’d arrived to see the show hours ago.

“It’s fine,” He grunts. “It’s better while it’s still wet, I’ll never clean it up after it’s dried down.”

“Fair,” Taeyong sighs, clearly realising he’s fighting a losing battle. “Take tomorrow morning off though, I know Taeil wants you to start your ringmaster rehearsals in the afternoon.”

Johnny smiles at his friend.

“I will, don’t worry about me.”

Satisfied with his work, he straightens up to throw his dirtied sponge into the bucket of water sitting at his feet. He’s a little _too_ excited to be done, clearly, as his enthusiasm results in a large amount of water splashing up to stain his shirt.

“ _John_ ,” Taeyong laughs, finally pulling himself to his feet, coming to fuss over the taller man. “Oh, look at it, that’ll stain if we’re not quick. Take it off so I can go soak it.”

Johnny wants to wave his friend’s hands away, reassure him it’s fine, he can easily just replace this one if necessary. But, he knows the younger man thrives on being able to take care of other people, particularly those he kept especially close to him.

So, he begrudgingly reaches behind his neck to grasp the shirt in his hands, pulling it off in one fluid motion.

Taeyong whistles, blatantly letting his eyes roam down the (very toned, if he might say so himself) expanse of Johnny’s chest.

“Was this your plan all along?” Johnny can’t help but smirk. “Get me half naked so you can ogle me?”

“If only I wasn’t happily married,” His friend winks in return, eyes bright as he beckons Johnny to follow him backstage once again. “I’d do more than ogle.”

A short gasp captures his attention as he pulls the door shut behind them. 

Johnny looks round to find Doyoung _staring_ at him from where he’s sat on the table. Or, rather, at his chest, eyes glued to the way Johnny’s muscles flex with each movement, gaze so heavy Johnny would swear he could feel it ghosting over his skin. 

“Can I help you?” He smirks.

“I-I-” Doyoung stammers, forcing himself to tear his eyes away with a clear reluctance. “P-Put a shirt on for goodness’ sake, what do you think this is?”

“Backstage?” Johnny feigns innocence, grunting softly as he stretches to further show off. 

It pays off immediately - Doyoung peeks at him out of the corner of his eye, letting out a noise of vague distress when he catches Johnny watching him.

“ _Stop that_!”

“Stop what? I’m literally just standing here.” 

“Oh gods, you’re the absolute worst, why am I friends with you?” 

Johnny watches in fascination as the flush from Doyoung’s cheeks spreads all the way to the tips of his ears. So much so that he doesn’t notice the dancer has stood up, smoothing out the wrinkles of his own costume.

“Where are you going?” He asks him, confused.

“To get you another shirt, since you’re clearly reluctant to.” Doyoung bites back, pulling the door open.

Johnny barks out a laugh.

“Awh, don’t be like that!” He calls, even as the door shuts with a resounding _thud_.

He chuckles to himself in the silence.

Taeyong chooses that moment to reappear, returning to his side with a fresh bucket of water.

"So," He begins. "You and Doyoung?”

A pause.

“What do you mean, ‘me and Doyoung’?” The older man frowns.

His friend’s face is curiously blank as he shrugs.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time together lately, considering he apparently hated your guts not all that long ago. I was just wondering if something was going on.”

Johnny’s eyes narrow, distrust creeping into his veins.

"What do you mean by 'something'? We're just friends, it’s nothing more than that.” 

Taeyong’s eyes sparkle with amusement as he looks over at him.

“Friends…” He repeats, dragging each syllable of the word out. “Interesting.”

Another laugh.

“You’re hopeless,” The younger man shakes his head as he stands up. “Absolutely hopeless. I can only pray that Doyoung gets over his emotional constipation, and _fast_.”

Johnny watches as Taeyong crosses over to him, coming to a stop just within arm’s reach. He links their hands together, giving Johnny’s a tight squeeze.

“Just… Be careful, okay? You know I worry.”

“Of course,” Johnny squeezes his friend’s hand in return. “I still have no idea what this is all about, but you know I’d never do anything to hurt him.”

Taeyong sighs softly. 

“I mean I worry about you, John. You give your heart away far too easily.”

☆

Johnny dwells on Taeyong’s words for the rest of the evening, particularly when Doyoung comes to curl beside him with a book, easily tucked into his side. 

“Am I heavy?” The younger man asks, even as he makes no move to get up. “Tell me if I’m annoying you.”

“No,” Johnny replies, gazing down at the dancer, marvelling over how easily the pair of them slot together. “No, you’re fine.”

“Good.”

Something stirs deep inside him as Doyoung pillows his head on his thigh. Something that feels an awful lot like _want_ , Johnny’s hands twitching with the urge to reach out and card his fingers through the younger man’s hair, feel the soft silk of the strands against his skin. He resists, of course, but it’s a battle. 

It’s something that should also be closely examined at some point, as is the thrill he gets when Doyoung smiles sleepily up at him, having roused from where he’d momentarily dozed off.

“Sorry about that,” He murmurs, sitting up to stretch. “I should’ve known I wouldn’t be able to stay awake.”

“It’s okay,” Johnny replies, already mourning the loss of warmth. “You’re tired.”

“I am,” Doyoung nearly whines. “And my bedroom is so far away.”

The words of Johnny’s reply are out of his mouth before he can even devote any brain cells to thinking them over.

“You could stay. I-If you wanted.”

Doyoung looks at him with a tenderness in his eyes that Johnny never thought he would be afforded. It’s enough to steal his breath away.

“You’re sweet,” The younger man replies. “But I know from experience that your bed isn’t big enough for both of us, and I’m a real monster first thing in the morning.”

“Only in the morning?” Johnny jokes, smiling at the way Doyoung rolls his eyes.

A gentle brush of lips against his cheek shuts him up - the familiar scent of the talc that Johnny knows Doyoung uses to keep his skin soft momentarily overwhelming his senses.

“Goodnight John,” The dancer murmurs as he pulls away. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Johnny’s skin burns for the rest of the night. 

☆

It all starts with an announcement from Taeil.

“You’re retiring?” Donghyuck’s hopeful tone draws laughter from everyone else in the room.

Taeil fixes him with an amused look.

“Don’t get your hopes up - even when I do, I’d sooner leave the circus to Bella than you.”

Mark lets out a bark of laughter at the ringmaster’s words, only laughing harder when Donghyuck elbows him painfully in the ribs. Johnny watches the commotion with a fond smile, shaking his head at the pout on his roommate’s face. A pout which rapidly vanishes with Renjun's arrival.

"What _is_ the announcement?" The young acrobat asks, lacing his and Donghyuck's fingers together.

Johnny takes note of this development with much interest. Last he’d seen of the pair, Donghyuck had been agonising over whether it was too early to ask Renjun to be his boyfriend. 

(“Have you kissed him yet?” Johnny had smiled innocently. 

“That’s none of your business.” The younger man had snapped in reply, betraying himself with his refusal to meet his friend’s eyes.)

Now, as Johnny watches Donghyuck lean in to whisper something into Renjun’s ear, an adoring look on his face when the acrobat laughs in reply, he realises his roommate must have worked up the courage from somewhere.

“Ah, young love.” He sighs, sticking his tongue out when Donghyuck turns to glare at him.

Laughter from behind him catches his attention, and he turns to share an amused smirk with Doyoung. 

"Ten is coming to visit us for a few days." Taeil finally announces, interrupting their moment.

Excited chatter immediately ripples through the room, Mark's loud _Ten!_ rising easily above the rest of the noise.

_Ten_ , Johnny thought to himself. The name wasn’t familiar to him in the slightest but, judging by everyone else's reactions, he felt it should be.

“Who’s Ten?” He turns to ask Doyoung.

“One of Taeil and Taeyong’s old friends,” The dancer replies. “He’s a painter."

"A painter?"

"He did most of the artwork around the circus," Doyoung gestures to the large sign hanging in the foyer just outside of the room they're in. "I think Taeyong met him at school years ago and they somehow managed to keep in touch."

Johnny easily picks up on the note of exasperation in his friend’s words.

“ _‘Somehow’_? Is he that bad?”

“He’s a pain in the ass,” Doyoung replies matter-of-factly. “I’m already counting down the days until he has to leave, and I don’t even know when he’ll get here.”

"Well, if he garners that reaction from _you_ , he must be fun." Johnny muses, pretending not to see the glare Doyoung directs at him.

Clearly having overheard their conversation, Donghyuck turns to face them both with a wicked grin.

"Ten is lots of fun," He informs Johnny. "Mostly because he knows how to get under Doyoung's skin better than anyone I've ever met."

"He doesn't need to know that." Doyoung retorts, already eyeing Johnny's expression with distrust.

"Why?" Johnny smiles innocently, leaning probably far too close into the dancer's personal space. "Scared we'll team up on you?"

"Seeing as you're also one of the most annoying people I know, that's exactly what I'm afraid of." Doyoung glares (though Johnny does note that it's completely without malice), not hesitating to try and shove him away.

Johnny grins when, as expected, he doesn't budge an inch.

"You _wound_ me, Doie." He pouts, knowing the nickname never fails to earn him an unimpressed reaction from the other man. “I do so much for you, and yet all you do is attack me for literally _breathing_.”

He's rewarded with Doyoung rolling his eyes.

"You're insufferable," He groans, standing up and pulling Johnny up with him. "Come on, I want something from the bakery, and you're buying."

"Anything for you." Johnny replies cheekily, winking at his friend before he turns to go and fetch his wallet from where he'd left it in his room.

Which means he unfortunately misses the way Doyoung’s cheeks pinken as he stares after him, shaking his head fondly. 

☆

Ten arrives in such a flurry of colour that it puts even the bright backdrop of the circus to shame. Johnny likes him from the very first second they meet.

And it appears that the feeling is mutual, as Ten quickly slots himself into his everyday routine.

“You’re good with your hands.” The younger man smirks, watching Johnny fix yet another loose bolt Taeyong had found in a stage prop. 

“That’s definitely a compliment, coming from you.” Johnny replies with ease, completely missing the way Ten bites his lip at his words.

"If I'd have known you two would get on this well, I'd have invited Ten to visit sooner." Taeil later observes from across the dinner table, having watched the pair of them collapse into laughter over a stupid joke the painter had made.

"It doesn't work like that, though," Ten purrs, looking directly at Johnny as he speaks. "You have to let fate take its own course."

"Which philosophy book did you steal that from?" Johnny can't help but joke, smirking at the wicked gleam in the painter's eyes.

On his other side, Doyoung rolls his eyes, muttering something that sounds an awful lot like ‘ _children’_ under his breath. Johnny knows he’s only further proving the younger man’s point when he sticks his tongue out at him, but it’s worth it (even if it does earn him a smack against his arm).

Yes, Ten is lots of fun. Exactly the kind of person that Johnny likes to have around.

As such, Johnny probably shouldn’t be as surprised as he is when Ten tries to kiss him late one evening. But, Johnny being Johnny hadn’t seen it coming in the slightest. 

“I’m sorry.” The painter sighs, hushed voice still managing to ring through Doyoung and Renjun’s practice room where Johnny had been changing the sawdust. “I thought I was reading the signs right - I shouldn’t have made a move without asking you first, it was wrong of me.”

“It’s fine,” Johnny reassures him, because it _is_. In fact, he’s rather flattered that someone as admittedly gorgeous as Ten is interested in him that way. “Really, I don’t mind. I just… Had no idea at all.”

"And here I thought you were just playing coy with me," Ten shakes his head. "You really didn't notice I like you? You're lucky I like my men a little dumb."

Johnny can't even allow himself to be offended by the other man's words. Certainly, he was at least a little dumbstruck by Ten's declaration.

"I... I really didn't, I'm sorry," He cringes. "I just thought you were being friendly."

" _Friendly_ ," Ten rolls his eyes. "Is this the part where you tell me a friend is all you see me as?"

Johnny presses his lips together, avoiding eye contact.

"You read my mind. I really am sorry, Ten. Especially if I led you on in any way."

The other man is shaking his head before he can even finish getting the words out.

"You have nothing to apologise for, I really should have known," Ten smiles ruefully. "I guess I just didn't want to accept that I'd be losing to Doyoung of all people."

“Doyoung?” Johnny frowns. “What does he have to do with this?”

Ten _stares_ at him open-mouthed, long enough that Johnny begins to shift uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze. He’s about to repeat his question when the younger man laughs, throwing his head back with the force of it.

“Oh gods, you really are an idiot, aren’t you?” Ten wipes a tear from his eye, leaving a smudge of liner behind. “He looks at you like you’re the sun, moon, and stars all rolled into one.”

“I- I don’t follow.”

Ten fixes him a pitying look.

“Tell me, when you think of Doyoung, do you think of him the same way you do Donghyuck? Or Mark, or even Taeil?”

Johnny falters, feeling like he’d been pushed out on stage in front of an audience with no script.

Donghyuck and Mark (and, by extension, Renjun and Yukhei) are the younger brothers he’d never had, Taeil and Taeyong the dear friends that Johnny had always longed for in a world that never felt like the right place for him. They all feel like home, something that Johnny hadn’t realised he’d longed for until he’d first set foot in the circus building, after a lifetime of feeling he wasn’t _quite_ good enough for his parents and his peers.

But Doyoung - Doyoung is something else entirely. 

Doyoung is the stars on an otherwise dark and moonless night, the first glimpse of sunshine after what felt like an endless storm. Doyoung was a comforting presence pressed into Johnny’s side after a long day, body curled around his own, all bright gummy smiles and attentive eyes as he gazed up at the older man. 

What had once been a _want_ had become a need, as in Johnny _needed_ to have Doyoung in his life, that much he’d always been aware of. But, it was becoming increasingly apparent to him now that he’d refused to let himself realise just how deep and all-consuming this need was. 

He was in love with Doyoung, and very much so. That much was suddenly clear to him. 

“ _Fuck_.” Johnny visibly blanches, running a hand through his hair. “I really am an idiot.”

“Do I ever lie?” Ten smiles.

“Obviously not,” Johnny manages to laugh. “Ten… Thank you for helping me see what I’ve been blind to this entire time.”

“Just call me Cupid,” Ten tilts his head towards the door. “You can repay me at some point in life, but for now, go. Get your man.”

☆

Since Doyoung was obviously not in the practice room, Johnny immediately sets off for his bedroom, hoping against hope that he’ll find the younger man curled up there as he likes to do in the evenings. 

Luck appears to not be on his side tonight, however, as Doyoung’s bed is empty when he pokes his head through the doorway. At least Renjun is there, though - looking up at him from his book with an emotionless expression.

“Can I help you?” The acrobat asks, voice even more deadpan than usual.

“I’m looking for Doyoung,” Johnny explains. “Have you seen him anywhere?”

“You mean you didn’t bump into him on your way back from the practice room?” Renjun pauses to turn a page of his book, his face much colder when he glances back up at Johnny. “Or were you too busy wrapped around Ten to notice?”

“No?” Johnny frowns. “Ten and I are friends, nothing more than that.”

“Friends? Is that what you call someone after they confess to you?”

Johnny’s eyes widen. How did news travel _that_ fast around here? Barely ten minutes had passed since Ten had come to find him: there’s no way Renjun should be able to know about it already.

“Ten did confess to me, that’s true,” Johnny replies slowly. “But I had no idea about his feelings for me, and I don’t feel the same way, anyway.”

Renjun pauses, hand hovering in midair where he’d moved to turn another page of his book. 

“Oh,” He says. “I suppose you’d better go tell Doyoung that, then.”

Admittedly, it takes a few moments for the younger man’s words to sink in, Johnny’s brain struggling to keep up with all that had happened over the half hour or so. But, when they do, his heart positively lurches in his chest.

“He…” He croaks. “Did he...?”

Renjun sighs.

“He said he’d left something in the practice room and went to get it, and must have found you and Ten in there. He did look rather upset when he came back, but he told me he wanted to be alone.”

Johnny feels like ice runs through his veins. Doyoung must have heard everything. 

_He’ll be hurt and it’s all my fault_ , he berates himself. 

“I’ll go after him,” He declares more to himself than anything else. “Thank you for your help, Renjun.”

“Of course. But, Johnny?” The older man pauses where he’d meant to hasten away. “As enamoured as I am by Donghyuck, if you hurt Doyoung any further I _won’t_ hesitate to make your life a living hell, understand?”

Johnny bites his lip as he looks at the sickly sweet smile Renjun directs at him, and he can’t help but think that he and Doyoung are more alike than anyone had ever thought. Then again, people said the same of Donghyuck and himself, which he couldn’t help but draw comfort from. If the two younger men worked so well together, surely he and Doyoung could too? 

“Noted,” He replies. “If he tries to punch me in the face like I deserve, I’ll make sure he doesn’t hurt his hand while doing so.”

Renjun laughs at that, shaking his head.

“Good luck, Johnny. I really do hope everything works out.”

“Me too.” The older man mutters to himself, leaving for where he prays he’ll finally find Doyoung.

☆

As suspected, he finds Doyoung sitting in their spot on the pier, his feet only just trailing in the water. It’s a new moon tonight, meaning there’s no bright moonlight to watch over the younger man.

It makes for quite a sad sight.

Neither of them say anything as Johnny comes to settle himself next to his friend - close, but with just enough distance between them to hurt. The silence continues for longer than is comfortable, until it’s broken by Doyoung sighing, head tilted back to speak to the dark sky.

“I didn’t like you at first because I thought you were yet another rich asshole intent on intruding on somewhere you didn’t belong.”

Johnny exhales quietly, waiting for the dancer to continue. 

“I saw you in- in _him_ , and him in you, and I assumed it was only a matter of time before you hurt me too. But then I watched as everyone else came to adore you, drawn like moths to the flame. Because that’s what you’re like, Johnny - you’re warm and you’re bright, and you’re unfortunately completely irresistible. And, as much as I tried to deny myself it, I was drawn to you too.”

Doyoung laughs, a sardonic little thing that feels like a knife wound through Johnny’s heart.

“I tried to stay away, to push you away so you’d stop trying to break through that hard exterior that I’d spent years building around myself. But you wouldn’t let me have that, would you? You were so _persistent_ in trying to befriend me, you refused to let me keep you at arm’s length, you menace.”

“‘M sorry.” Johnny manages to mumble out. 

Doyoung shakes his head.

“It’s okay,” He murmurs, though he expertly dodges the older man trying to take his hand. “It turned out to be exactly what I needed, didn’t it? Because I… I fell in love with you, John. I know it’s unfair of me to tell you so, now you have Ten, but I can’t live the rest of my life with this bottled up inside of me. I’m already bitter enough.”

When he finally raises his head to meet Johnny’s eyes, the older man feels he could drown in the depth of the sadness he finds there. 

“I’m happy for you John, I truly am,” Doyoung whispers, voice catching around the edges of his words. “You deserve to be with someone who’ll love you like you deserve, and if that’s to be Ten, who am I to argue with that?”

Johnny aches with the urge to reach out and hold the other man, to cup his cheek and pull him close until Doyoung understood that he had eyes for no-one else but _him_. But right now was not the time for such fantasies.

“Thank you.” He whispers earnestly. 

Because he is thankful for Doyoung’s sweet words, and the way he now trusts him enough that he’ll bare his soul to him without a second thought. Nothing touches him more than the idea that Doyoung thinks him worthy of knowing his most vulnerable feelings.

The dancer forces a smile onto his face. 

“You’re welcome.” A pause. “But… Why are you here? Isn’t Ten inside?”

“He is,” The older man hums. “He’s probably coerced Taeyong into having a drink with him by now.”

Doyoung’s eyebrows knit together, and Johnny is nearly overcome with the urge to lean over and kiss his forehead. 

“I’m… I’m not following.”

Johnny chances linking their pinky fingers together, silently uttering a prayer that Doyoung won’t pull away before he has a chance to explain himself.

“Ten and I aren’t together,” He murmurs, trying not to smile as he hears Doyoung inhale sharply. “He confessed to me, but I hadn’t realised until tonight that my heart already belongs to someone else.”

He feels Doyoung begin to tremble beneath his touch, and it’s only now that Johnny lets himself reach out for him properly, ghosting the back of his fingers over the soft skin of the dancer’s cheek.

“Can you guess who?” He murmurs, leaning in close until he can see the faint freckles dotted across Doyoung’s face. 

There’s a wild, hungry look to Doyoung’s eyes as he stares back at him.

“John Suh,” He whispers. “If this is your idea of a sick joke, I swear-”

“I love you, Doyoung,” Johnny cuts him off. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realise.”

The dancer scoffs, all the tension bleeding out of his limbs as he sags against Johnny’s chest. The older man welcomes him easily, wrapping his arms around his back to pull him close.

“I hate you,” Doyoung mumbles into his shoulder, hands fisting in the material of Johnny’s shirt. “You’re the most unbearable person I’ve ever met, I can’t believe I love you too.”

Johnny’s heart positively soars at the other man’s declaration, and he presses his lips to the crown of Doyoung’s head.

"Ten called me an idiot. He really wasn't wrong."

“We’re both idiots.” Doyoung sighs.

“I guess that means we’re made for each other then.” Johnny can’t help but respond.

The younger man snorts, lifting his head to meet his eyes once more.

“Lucky me.” He drawls, though the fond spark in his eye betrays his true feels.

“ _I’m_ the lucky one,” Johnny retorts, brushing Doyoung’s hair off of his forehead. He pauses. “Can I kiss you?”

Doyoung laughs, a harsh bark that still sounds like the sweetest music to Johnny’s ears. 

“You have to ask even after I’ve told you I love you?”

“What can I say, I’m a gentleman.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes, leaning up until Johnny feels the gentle warmth of lips against his own. 

Their first kiss is - there’s no other word for it, sweet. 

Johnny carefully cradles Doyoung’s face in his hands, almost shy as he applies the tiniest amount of pressure, revelling in the pleased noise it draws from the younger man. His heart races in his chest, so much so he’s sure Doyoung can feel it where he’s still clutching at his shirt, but he’s too happy to care anymore. 

It’s not like he needs to hide that he’s madly in love with the man wrapped in his arms. 

Doyoung sighs contently when they do part, looking up at Johnny through his lashes.

“Take me inside?” He whispers pleadingly. “I don’t think I can last another moment out here.”

Johnny leans down to kiss his forehead like he’d wanted to all evening.

“As you wish, my love.”

☆

Johnny had known from the first moment he’d laid eyes on him that Doyoung was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen.

But, nothing could have prepared him for just how beautiful Doyoung looks when he’s laid out underneath him like this, legs wrapped tightly around his waist to urge him deeper.

“John,” He gasps, digging his nails into the skin of the older man’s back. “ _Please._ ”

“I’m here.” Johnny murmurs reassuringly, kissing his newfound lover over and over again until they both collapse back against the mattress together, spent.

“Are you okay?” He whispers, trailing his fingers over the bare skin of Doyoung’s waist, left exposed by the covers.

“Mmm. A little sore, but I’ll manage.” The dancer mumbles, eyes heavy as he shuffles closer to lie on Johnny’s chest. 

It’s a tight squeeze as always - maybe now would be a good time to approach Taeil about room rearrangements. As sad as he would be to lose Donghyuck as a roommate, he doubts the younger man would pass up a chance to room with his boyfriend. 

Besides, Johnny notes, getting to wake up to the sight of Doyoung curled up next to him every morning would certainly soften the blow.

A kiss pressed just below his pectoral pulls him out of his thoughts, and he glances down to see Doyoung blinking slowly up at him. 

“Are _you_ okay? You’re awfully quiet.”

“I am,” Johnny replies, cradling the younger man even closer. “Just thinking of all the exciting things the future holds for us now we’re together.”

Doyoung snorts.

“You let a man finish inside you once and suddenly he has your entire future planned out.” He rolls his eyes.

“Admit it: you wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Doyoung hums again, tilting his head as he pretends to consider his answer. Johnny raises an eyebrow, tickling his fingers over a spot just underneath the dancer’s ribs, knowing it’ll make him squirm.

“A-All right!” The younger man laughs, swatting his hand away. “It’s cute you’re excited, you big sap.”

“How can I not be?” Johnny counters, leaning down to kiss him. “It’s you, after all.” 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! comments, kudos and bookmarks are always appreciated if you feel like leaving them!


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